I've always been overweight. And coming from a family of obsessive dieters - I also refused to become one of them. I was not willing to starve myself, I was not willing to take speed to lose weight, and I was not willing to eat the same meal every day for 3 years just to be a size 0. I rebelled by eating what I wanted when I wanted.
Confidence was something I always had. Even though I wasn't a size 8, I wore the sizes that fit my body and found cute clothes. I always looked fashionable, put together, and happy. And I was. When I went to college, I was overweight and had a group of overweight friends. But we were proud of who we were and still had the confidence of a skinny girl. I was 5'6" 185 lbs and loved me. (I even found a man who loved me because of my confidence at this weight)
After college, I went to graduate school. I lived by myself and ate very little. I lived close enough to campus to not drive a car and walked 2 miles every day up a hill back and forth from class. Doing this I lost close to 25 lbs. I moved in with some room mates from college, and loving the weight loss I started dieting and working out with my room mates. By the time I graduated I was 150 lbs. I was at a healthy weight, and loved it. I had more energy, felt better, and loved all the clothes I could wear now.
Then, this year, I started my first year teaching. I moved away fromm home and moved in with my boyfriend as he started his career path. I was a special education teacher for 2 grades. My students were students with ADHD and Emotion/Behavior Disorders. This year has been one of the hardest years of my life. Not only have I been disillusioned about teaching, but have seen my small elemenentary school students go through things and have trauma that no one should have, especially 8 year olds. Coming home exhausted to a boyfriend who was exhausted, we ordered out food or went and picked up food most nights. Eating my stress away, I gained 55 lbs in 8 short months. I am 205 lbs and the largest I have been in my life.
For the first time in my life, I have lost my confidence. Going from a size 14 to a size 10 to a size 18 in 3 years has been hard. I have no clothes that fit me, and usually end up crying when asked to go somewhere because I know I have to go through my closet to find some of the few clothes that fit me. I feel ugly and almost tense when my boyfriend touches me because I am so embarrassed by how much weight I have gained. I have never felt like this before, and it is miserable.
My first year teaching is almost over and my goals is to lose 55 lbs.
By June 15th: 15 lbs
By July 15th: 30 lbs
By August 15th: 45 lbs
and by September 15th: 55 lbs.
I need someone or something to hold me accountable. I have been trying weight watched for 4 weeks, but am not holding myself accountable for keeping track of my points. I have tried to work out 5 times a week, but coming home physically and emotionally exhausted I would just rather lay on the couch then get up and work out. I am hoping that by starting this blog and posting my progress every Wednesday I will have something to hold me accountable for my progress and keep me motivated through these long months ahead.
So here is my plan:
-Continue using weight watchers and actually keep track of what I'm eating
- Eat out only once a week
-Work out on Sundays, Tuesdays, Wednesday, and Thursdays using a workout video/wii/a boyfriend who has been begging me to go to they gym
-post stickers on my calendar for every successful day I have
-keep two jars on my vanity: pounds to lose, pounds lost. To visually see the progress I am making right in front of me every morning when I wake up
-post here every Wednesday my progress
Between these motivators and goals I hope that I will reach my goal.
